Monday, January 31, 2005

"I'd rather burn for You than fade away"

This weekend was so incredible. I want to write all of the little details because it was amazing.
Friday was horrible. I was so stressed and overwhelmed. I was stressed about the usual-work, money, etc. I was told that my manager probably wouldn't let me make up the hours I had missed for going home sick even though he told me I could make them up whenever. Losing all of those hours would have been bad because I am full time and need to maintain a certain number of hours. After work I called Becca and cried to her on the phone. She was great and made me feel better. I went to meet old friends whom I hadn't seen in almost two years. I was in such an awful mood when i got there. It was so nice seeing them though. I felt so much better. We just ate dinner and shopped but it was really great. Afterwards I was going to go to a movie with Becca but she decided not to so I called Marc. On my way to his house my mom called. I burst into tears again while talking to her. I told her I wanted to give up and just move home. It would be so much easier in some ways and definitely cheaper. I hung out at Marc's until 1:30 or 2. It was really nice. There is something about him that always makes me feel better. Unfortunately our evening ended a little badly but I won't talk about that on here.
Saturday was awesome. I won't write too much about it because Becca covered most of that. It was really good. I felt so renewed and hopeful after our roommate bonding. Then Laura's was incredible too. Becca said she was glad to see my (genuine) smile. She was right. It was there and I felt it. On Saturday I had people comment on how happy I seemed. I have had people commenting on how sad I was for months (friends and others). It was a nice change. While Laura and Becca were singing "In Christ Alone" I started crying for Jeff and feeling his pain. I guess I got my compassion back. I called my boss at BBB to ask if I could work a few hours to make up for the hours I had lost. I was expecting a fight where I would get mad and quit. I called and he told me I could definitely come in. He also said the exact amount of hours I needed. It is amazing how God works. Lynette and I went to a movie and the KOP Diner Saturday night.
Sunday morning something cool happened. I was watching the Today Show with Lynette and they were showing people outside in the cold. They mentioned and showed people fromWaverly, NY (which is the tiny town where my parents live and I am from). I recognized them as two ladies from my church!! I called my dad to confirm that it was them and it was. Pretty cool eh? On my way to church I felt a strong urge to pull over and pray. I needed to pray for a broken relationship with a friend of mine. I needed the courage to not give up on this person. I needed the strength to stay and deal with it when all I wanted to do was run away. God gave me peace about it. I also prayed for myself and my wandering away from God. It was incredible. I felt revived and alive again. During Sunday school I was paired up with the very person whom I was having problems with for group work. It was weird too because I had changed seats at the last minute. The topic was relationships and love. We had to sum up a paraphrased version of 1 Corinthians 13-Enduring love is selfless. Very ironic. God definitely has a sense of humor. So there is no resolution but there is definitely hope.
Ok not too much else to say. I need to get going.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Sometimes you need a good scream

Thursdays I have off so you would think I would enjoy them. However, I have two three hour classes. Six hours of classes is not fun. It's hard for me to sit and pay attention for that long. I only got three hours of sleep last night too so I was extra sleepy. I also had two tests today. All I wanted to do after my last class was go home and take a nap or do nothing. I dragged myself to Crossroads because it had been awhile since I had gone. I really didn't want to go and to be social. I wanted to go home and enjoy having the apartment to myself. I'm glad I went though. I am usually glad when I go, it is just hard for me to get there. I have no free nights and it is hard to give up the one free night I could possibly have. It was definitely worth it though. Afterwards I went to the West Chester Diner with Lynette, Jen, and Ruth. It was nice. I often forget that I miss hanging out with people. Right now I am supposed to be doing schoolwork :). Last night I came home to an upset and stressed Becca. I was pretty upset and stressed myself. I had to call Marc to vent even though he had already heard the story from Becca. So the balcony above our apartment is rotting and causing the leak. We are worried about it being a fire hazzard because there are wires in that wall for our living room and our kitchen. I called the leasing office again today but the woman who will be able to help me wasn't in today (of course). I also heard them pounding away upstairs so hopefully they were able to fix something. Our apartment smells and it is such an eyesore. They will need to replace the walls. Becca rearranged the furniture so everthing is on one side of the living room. We really can't do too much more. Today I felt so stressed about a lot of things. I was overwhelmed with things I have to do and money that I owe. I went from crying to screaming and back to crying again. It's funny how quickly emotions can change. Sometimes you just need a good scream.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The sky is falling

Well I thought Becca would write about our ceiling but she must have been busy today. I'm sure she will write more about it later but here is my version. Last night Becca slept in the living room because I was sick. I actually slept in Lynette's room with her because I couldn't sleep and wanted to watch a movie. Becca comes in at 3:30 a.m. and told us the ceiling was leaking. She had called someone to come fix it. He came sometime during the middle of the night. Apparently it's not fixable or at least now during the winter. It is so horrible. It has spread from the balcony almost all the way to Lynette's closet. It's like this force devouring the ceiling of our apartment. It has dripped over everything and made a mess. I am definitely not happy. I called the leasing office today and was treated rudely but the woman I talked to. She said there is nothing she can do about the working order Becca placed last night. All she can do is put in a new working order. I tried to tell her that was useless unless she talked to the guy who came last night. If it's not fixable why send someone else to fix it? She didn't see it my way. She said she can only handle it from here. So great. I got absolutely nowhere today.

Back again

Well I'm not doing very well keeping up with writing. I should once I have more computer work to do for school. I am always looking for something to avoid doing work. I cannot think of anything exciting to write. I have been sick with a stomach bug these last couple of days. I am actually supposed to be working right now. I felt better today but I decided I needed a night off to rest rather than push myself like I usually do. I would have been fine working but I'm so glad that I didn't. It wasn't even hard for me to call in sick. My roommates would have been proud :). I found out that an old friend of mine is getting married in March in California. I am seriously considering flying out there for a weekend. It is a friend who I haven't seen in years. I used to be really close to him and his twin brother. It would be so awesome to see them again. I don't have money so that is a problem. However, now is the time to fly with all the price wars going on. I feel so confused about a lot of things lately and it might be nice to get away for a weekend and reconnect with old friends. I've been told that airplanes have a way of helping to clear heads :) haha. Well I'm going to go. I want to read what Becca wrote about our leaking roof.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Taking care of business

I have so many blonde moments. It is difficult to count them. It is rare that these momentary acts of stupidity actually benefit me. Today I got up early with the intention of going to Montgomery County Community College and begging the professor to let me take his Genetics class. I got out of bed and showered and everything. I got online to get directions to the school and realized that classes don't start until tomorrow and therefore my class doesn't start until Thursday. It was such a blessing because I have so much to do and had no time to do it in. I am booked solid with work or school or plans until Saturday. I need this morning to get everything done. I woke up feeling stressed about when I would get my errands done and now I have this awesome sense of relief. God does take care of me even when I'm not faithful to him.
This weekend was long and busy like they usually are. I quit one of my jobs though. It was hard to do but it had to be done. My boss didn't even seem to care. I wish this meant I will be less busy but I know it's not the case. It is weird to think that during the summer I will have only one full time job and nothing else. I am used to always having at least two jobs. I wonder what I will do with my time. It sadly freaks me out. I will actually have a normal schedule.
This weekend I acted badly and tried to keep one of my closest friends at a distance. I am just afraid of getting hurt so I try to keep people from getting in. I hate it when I do it but many times I feel like I can't stop myself. I felt like pulling away and so I did. I wasn't mad at this person but I acted like it. It seems to be a vicious cycle in my friendships. I just don't know how to break it.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Weird things find me

So Nikki, I did it. I created a blog just for you. I hope you and Allen had a safe trip back. It was so great to see you. Anyways this is supposed to be a journal and not a letter. Today I have off, which is so nice after closing six nights in a row. I am quite miserable though. Yesterday I woke up with a gross face. It was all crusty and my eyes wouldn't stay open properly. I felt like I had a facial mask on. I couldn't move my mouth very easily and it was all red and puffy. I was worried that I was having an allergic reaction to something so I went to the doctor. He said that I have an infection with some fancy name that I probably got from one of my kids. So it stings and is itchy. All I want to do is scratch it but I can't. It makes me feel really antsy and restless. It is also gross so it makes me feel self conscious. I'm going to Dave's soon so I can be distracted by Dave and Becca. I have no plans of going into public today with the exception of going to class at 4. So Nikki I hope you enjoy this and I know it will be a fun way to keep in touch.