For the moments I feel faint
I have had a crappy few weeks at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. I was so mad on Wednesday that I was in tears. I wasn't even overly upset about the issue, it just had been building up and exploded. I wanted to march up to the office and give my two weeks. I still would like to but I really can't right now. I don't know why I am so attached to that place. It is just a stupid retail job. I think I am just overworked and I am always so dead when I am there. Things build up and I let them bother me. I do all of this extra stuff that a manager would be doing and I am only part time. I have been offered a manager position but I would have to drop out of school to take it. So I am stuck doing the work anyways. I actually like making the schedule because it gives me more freedom. I found out last week that a girl who just became superviosr makes as much as I do. That really upset me because I have been there for almost 3 years and she has only been there for one and a half. I think I got jipped out of a raise because I became a supervisor around the time I was due for a raise anyways. I could go on and on about the issues but I know that the details are pretty boring to outsiders. It's funny because I was at this point last year. I was tired of doing what I was doing, I had already gone as far as I could go. Then I became supervisor and had new challenges and new stuff to learn. Now I have mastered this job and I am bored again. I need to be in a job that is new everyday and constantly keeps me on my toes. I like having the challenge of proving myself. I like things to be hard so I can tackle them.
"For The Moments I Feel Faint"
Relient K
Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?
[Chorus:]
Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you your wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong
I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear
[Chorus]
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands,
place them in your hands,
place them in your hands
You can't teach an old dog new tricks
I will do pretty much anything to avoid doing work. I am now working for the department at LaSalle so it is the perfect time to get stuff done. Of course I am letting it pass me by. Everything is so busy still. My supervisor from LaSalle came yesterday. I was really nervous at the last minute. It went well but she asked me lots of hard questions and I just didn't know the answer to some. It's ok not to know right? I wish that were true for grad school (or my program at least). My program is a killer.
Yesterday I had 3 friends with birthdays so I had the chance to catch up with some old friends.
I really wish I had news to share but I really and truly don't. I am not in a talkative, spill my guts mood either. I am just procrastinating. I should go though. I have a test on Monday and it has been a long time since I've seen an A. I've never experienced this--struggling with classes. It is a new experience for me. Usually I don't have to study and I get good grades. How do you learn study habits at 25 years old after spending your lifetime developing poor ones?
Popcorn anyone?
It has been a long time since my last post. I have been awful about reading others' posts too. I am just going to write a quick update. Hmmmmm...what is new and interesting? Tonight Marie Osmond came into Bed, Bath, and Beyond (from Donnie and Marie). I didn't recognize her but thought she looked familiar. Lynette and I just got back from Boston. It was a lot of fun. It's always good to get away and Boston is an amazing city. We got to see my uncle. It was fun hanging out with him a little. I see a lot of traits he has in me. Becca and I had a date last night. It was great spending time with her. I am getting sad about her leaving us. My internship is going well. I am starting to get more independent and see a lot of kids. I feel like a lot of them are warming up to me. My heart just aches for them. Most of them come from awful homes without parents, etc. around. They have had tough lives. My room is near the time out room. I often hear kids throwing things and yelling. They are generally good kids, they just need a lot of love. I am starting to feel like a real clinician. I get to write therapy notes and reports. I am learning so much. I am so glad I am at the Devereux School even though it is nothing I would have chosen for myself. The staff is amazing and I love my supervisors. It is quite a tough population, especially the high schoolers. I really do miss my preschoolers. I got to see my niece a few weeks ago. She is so adorable. I wish I could be around her more to help baby-sit and so she knows me. Hopefully I will be the cool aunt that she gets excited about getting to visit. There is so much more but I really need to get to bed. I love y'all. Sorry about the popcorn :)
