Monday, July 09, 2007


I lie awake tossing and turning because I can't seem to quiet down my mind. I feel like all of the demons of my past are taunting me tonight. I keep re-living every horrible thing I've ever done in all of my past relationships. All of the things that I've been free from for so long seem to be finding me again tonight. I really can't explain why all of this is haunting me tonight. It makes me feel horrible and completely inadequate. I look back on all of the pain I've caused in the past and I feel so helpless and ashamed. I usually look at it as a testimony to the healing power of God but tonight I just feel broken. I constantly fall into the same vicious traps, falling prey to Satan's lies. He constantly tells me how unlovable I am because of everything I've done. Why do I constantly believe the lies when I know better? I know in my head how much God loves me but sometimes I just have a hard time letting it penetrate into my heart.

by Skillet

I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of

Is waking to you
Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide the more I realize I'm slowly losing you

I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
'les I feel you next to me
you take the pain I feel
waking up to you never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real

I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you

Breathing life

Waking up my eyes
Open up

Don't leave me alone


At 12:38 PM, Blogger Jessica said...

Oh, Nina.....Believe me when I say I think I know exactly how you're feeling. I know that pain that comes out of nowhere and reminds me of all I've ever done that makes me so undeserving of ANYTHING good in this life. Those thoughts are lies, though, and I hope you remember that. I know you know it's true, but I pray that it sinks in and permeates your heart and soothes it like a healing balm. You're precious, Nina. God loves you SO MUCH, and there are so many people who love you, too. I'm one of them, and I see so much good in you. You are, without a doubt, one of the sweetest and most genuinely compassionate people I know, and that's unusual. I love you so much, and I hope you're doing better today. Call me if you need to talk.

At 4:06 PM, Blogger Jessica said...

As far as I know, August is completely free for me. I still have no that means lots of free time! You know you're welcome to stay here as long as you need to - you can use this as your base point if you want, and I still want to take you to Savannah, even if I do have a job by then and we can only go for a day. It's possible. I'm so glad you're coming! I wish I could make it up there again soon, but I'll definitely do it again before too terribly long. Let me know your plans.


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